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The Duchess became very angry with Alice. How dare you talk such nonsense! she stormed. But Alice did not back down. She had remembered that she was carrying her new Palm Pilot, which had wireless Internet access, and that she had bookmarked a page on the Wiki Web site.
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Don t take Alice s word for it! Read it yourself at http://c2.com/cgi/wiki CthreeProjectTerminated.
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It s not nonsense, she protested. Look at what it says, right here, on this web page called C3ProjectTerminated. It says that the Goal Donor didn t want the same thing as the Gold Owners. That the programmers kept adding features to the code, while management wanted to turn off the mainframe computers because C3 was a Y2K replacement project. Why, that s nothing but good, oldfashioned featuritis, and quite a nasty case of it, too. What would have happened, do you think, if the mainframe payroll programs had actually broken in January 2000 The Duchess was livid. You fool, she howled. You just don t get it, do you How much code have you written recently But the plucky little Alice still refused to back down. Featuritis, she said calmly, is why it s important to write down requirements. So the programmers don t build lots of cool stuff that s not what the client is paying for. Get out! screamed the Duchess. You ll have to answer to the Queen!
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Alice was not quite ready to leave, however, and by this time she was feeling seriously annoyed by the Duchess s belligerent attitude. She continued scrolling down the web page on her Palm Pilot. It s a pity, said Alice, that you didn t base all of your lofty claims on a project that was actually a success. It says here that this C3 project was a Y2K replacement project started in 1996. It was terminated in February 2000 when it was still only paying 1/3 of the people that it was originally intended to pay. And look what it says over here not only will the client never try this approach again, but it even made the term object-oriented unutterable by anyone wishing management to take them seriously... Keep in mind, Alice continued, this Wiki Web site isn t my web site, it s yours! This reminds me of that story about the emperor who had no clothes on. Don t you have any other large project success stories to brag about The Duchess was speechless. Get out! she sputtered. The Queen will have your head. This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear. She turned, in great disgust, and walked off.
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Alice Refuses to Start Coding Without Written Requirements
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Alice continued walking for a time, and was just in the midst of wondering whether she could use her Palm Pilot to get a map home from wherever this curious place she was lost in was, when two soldiers, who looked strangely like index cards, approached her. Excuse me, Miss, said the first soldier, but the Queen of Hearts demands to see how much code you have written. Alice, who was still quite vexed after her unpleasant encounter with the Duchess, replied, Please tell Her Majesty that nobody has given me any requirements yet, so I don t have any code. The two soldiers looked at each other. No code, said the first, shaking his head. The Queen s not going to like that. No, said the second. It will be a beheading for sure, he said under his breath to the first soldier, so that Alice couldn t hear him. Out loud, he said, You d better come with us, Miss! Alice, who, after all, had nowhere else to go, followed the soldiers until they came to a big lawn, where people were playing croquet. Alice could see a castle off in the distance. There was a sound of trumpets, whereupon the two soldiers exclaimed, The Queen, The Queen! and immediately threw themselves face down on the ground. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen in front of her, with her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm. Well said the Queen to Alice. Where is it Where s the code May it please Your Majesty, said Alice, in a very humble tone, going down on one knee as she spoke, I haven t written any code yet, because nobody has told me what the requirements are.
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