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This chapter is all about coming clean and connecting with the things that really matter. Take a few minutes and reflect carefully on the following questions: Think about a time when you lied about using your BlackBerry. What was happening To whom did you lie Why did you lie What were you afraid would happen if you didn t lie Sit with this knowledge for a moment. Many times it makes sense to lie because you fear some sort of punishment if you were to tell the truth. Children who get caught lying might get grounded or lose their allowance. What is the punishment you fear you might face if you told the truth about your BlackBerry use Do you think your spouse or partner will criticize you If this is true, we suggest that you come to some agreement with your partner, family, and friends about when it s OK or not OK to use your BlackBerry. Once you reach such agreement, it s important that you honor it and turn off your BlackBerry during those times when you ve agreed not to use it.
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This is similar to the hospital approach. You ve probably seen the hospital signs that say, No cell phone use. Similarly, airplanes do not allow cell phone use during flights. The issue is that the cell phone can actually interfere with the equipment in the hospital or on the airplane, and thus potentially endanger the lives or health of those around you. Consider that your BlackBerry use could endanger the emotional health of your relationships. There is a cost to a relationship or family when one of the members is not fully present because she is checking email or answering cell phone calls. Over time, the BlackBerry user may not be asked to engage in some activities. Other family members may count on the BlackBerry user to give only part of their attention to the activity, so they may give up on them in little ways. For example, a child might see you at the kitchen table drinking coffee in the morning and using the BlackBerry, and thus refrain from approaching you to talk about something that is bothering him at school. The worst part: You may never know what conversations aren t happening because others have tuned you out, too.
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Or, the potential future love of your life might see you on a park bench, but assume you are busy to talk and never approach you. Again, the costs here are often hidden; you may never know what you are missing out on, but your life will be less complete for it, nonetheless. When she was young, Martin s youngest daughter learned how to let him know when she had had enough of him making calls, a technique she continues to use to this day. She will start screaming out, No phone, no phone! Martin is actually glad she does this. He says: I will be afraid about the day when she stops doing this and just gives up on me as a playmate. You may have friends, family, and others who have given up on you because they never get all of your attention when you are glancing down at your BlackBerry. Now, the news isn t all bad. There are great ways that you can use your BlackBerry to help you connect with what is truly important. If you are person of faith, there are free and pay versions of the Bible and other sacred literature that you can read on your BlackBerry. Or, you might find a meaningful Thought for the Day website and subscribe to a daily inspirational message. Your BlackBerry can also be used as a tool for connecting in new ways to your loved ones (see the story, Staying in Touch with My Dad ).
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