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Nick, this issue is clearly causing you stress It actually provides an opportunity to explore the role of judgment and criticism in your own behavior For example, there s your desire for acceptance from your boss, your subordinates, and fundamentally from yourself and then there s the way you judge and criticize so many things in your life, including your boss, those who work for you, and especially yourself You seem to want something from others that you have trouble giving to them or to yourself
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NOTE Use the paradoxical challenge only with moderate to high selfmastery Ones; low self-mastery individuals may not be psychologically stable enough to handle the ambiguity inherent in paradoxes
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Determine Coaching Goals and Learner Motivation Make sure the goals can be accomplished in the time available and are linked to one or more of the learner s key motivators
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Because Kathryn often feels overwhelmed by the quantity of work she has and is chronically exhausted, she wants to nd a way to be less stressed and still get everything done When asked why this matters, she states, I d enjoy life more and would probably be a better manager, although I think I m pretty good already
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Assess the Learner s Level and Range of Self-Mastery, Then Use Level-Appropriate Coaching Approaches Determine the learner s normal (average) level and range of self-mastery
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Kathryn functions at the mid-point of moderate self-mastery most of the time, but when she gets overworked and feels tired, she sometimes exhibits behaviors at the lower end of moderate self-mastery Although she rarely operates
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Bringing Out the Best in Everyone You Coach
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much higher than the midpoint, Kathryn has moments when she feels thrilled by a work product s excellence, stimulated by her team s responsiveness to challenging issues and by her own ability to master a dif cult task When this occurs, Kathryn feels internally satis ed but confuses this with being at the high level of self-mastery For this reason, her estimation of herself is somewhat higher than her actual level, and this discrepancy needs to be uncovered during coaching in a way that doesn t demoralize her
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Select the development approach(es) from the chart on pages 50 51 that would be most effective with the learner, and experiment with these
Kathryn de nitely requires encouragement to talk more about her concerns and needs, but the needs discussed must be at a level deeper than just relief from the workload and more sleep It is possible Kathryn is extremely angry about the amount she sacri ces in order to believe that she is a highly responsible person and that her performance is beyond reproach She needs to bring more fun and pleasure into her work setting, but she also needs to nd the work and the people more enjoyable Being able to integrate some fun or relaxation into the workday would be bene cial for Kathryn, so discuss what she is doing already, then explore additional ideas with her
Use Coaching Techniques That Challenge Growth Plan how you will use each of the four coaching techniques from this section, then use them at appropriate moments during the coaching process
Head Center Challenge: What if What have you heard the learner say or imply that reflects a mental model or assumption you can challenge How will you phrase this What if challenge
All of the following challenges would be effective with Kathryn What if you didn t do all the work yourself to make sure it s done right What if you could have real fun at work How would you do that What if you actually enjoy the burden you carry at work
Heart Center Challenge: Recognizing and Leveraging Defense Mechanisms When have you observed the learner use a particular defense mechanism Would a direct or an indirect challenge be more effective How would you phrase this defense mechanism challenge
It s possible that Kathryn s intense commitment to work and her apparent pleasure in doing it is partly a reaction formation to her deeper desire to be free and spontaneous This may or may not be true, but it is worth exploring A possible tactic is to introduce the concept of reaction formation as a defense
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