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their over-focus on the needs of others Their real development comes when Twos realize that they also have developmental needs that they need to address
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Second, Assess the Learner s Level and Range of Self-Mastery, Then Use Level-Appropriate Coaching Approaches The best way to determine the learner s self-mastery level is to read the behavioral descriptions for all three levels in the chart below and answer these questions:
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1 What is this person s normal (average) level of self-mastery Low Moderate High 2 What do I know and what have I observed that leads me to this conclusion 3 What is this person s range of self-mastery that is, the individual s highest and lowest levels 4 What do I know from my own observations or other data that leads me to this conclusion
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Twos: Self-Mastery Levels and Coaching Approaches to Enhance Development
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High Self-Mastery The Humble Servant
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Core understanding There is a profound purpose to everything that occurs that is independent of one s own efforts
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Enneagram Twos with high self-mastery do not give to get, and they do not feel a need to reinforce their self-worth by getting others to like them and orchestrating other people s lives Gentle, generous, humble, inclusive, and deeply compassionate, they give simply to give and express their own deeper needs directly Their sense of well-being and warmth draws others to them
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Coaching approaches to enhance the Two s self-mastery Provide encouragement and additional methods for expansion
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Provide guidance for Twos in developing their personal and professional vision and goals, focusing on what they want for their own lives Af rm Twos when they maintain their equilibrium after experiencing something that would normally in ate or de ate their sense of self-worth Provide positive reinforcement when they express their own needs, opinions, and preferences, especially when these go against the preferences of others Encourage them to spend extended time alone without engaging with others including phone calls, e-mails, and casual interactions with strangers so they can explore their feelings, re ect on their experiences, and engage in activities they can do and enjoy by themselves Af rm them every time they access and utilize their mental and physical intelligence as much as their emotional intelligence
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Bringing Out the Best in Everyone You Coach
Moderate Self-Mastery The Friend
Core concern Feeling valuable, liked, needed, appreciated, and worthy
Twos with moderate self-mastery often have many friends and/or are at the center of social groups or institutions They read people well and tend to engage others through attery, giving attention, doing favors, and engaging in other forms of interpersonal behavior such as showing warmth that are sometimes sincere, but sometimes notThey may also be emotional, aggressive, and hovering Having dif culty saying no, they often orchestrate interpersonal dynamics behind the scenes They can be compassionate and helpful, often offering useful advice that they expect others to take
Coaching approaches to enhance the Two s self-mastery Stimulate motivation and provide concrete development actions
Encourage Twos to say no more often, especially when they do not have a good reason for saying yes Help them explore their true motivation for helping others so often, reviewing each situation in detail Suggest that each time they are about to agree to do something for someone, they ask themselves why before agreeing Probe for their real feelings and help them recognize the depth of their emotions When Twos seem either overly helpful or resentful, look for hidden needs and invite the expression of their true desires and preferences Notice their pattern of focusing on other people rather than themselves; bring this to their attention on a regular basis
Low Self-Mastery The Manipulator
Core fear Being unwanted, discarded, and deemed intrinsically unworthy
Twos with low self-mastery can be master manipulators, using guilt, blame, or shame to control others These Twos fall into psychological despair, then try to make the other person feel responsible When their efforts are thwarted, these Twos will use full force to get what they want, but will take no responsibility for their unproductive behavior
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