Coaching Enneagram Style Five
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Another person wants to discuss an important issue with a Five, and the issue involves emotional content Instead of engaging in a discussion that requires her to feel anything, the Five becomes entirely intellectual, disconnecting from the feelings to such a degree that she is not only unaware of having any feelings but also experiences no real empathy for the other person In other words, the Five completely cuts off from the other person, but more important, completely cuts off from herself
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Becoming a central part of events, interpersonal interactions, and organizations rather than staying on the periphery
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To work with the Five s defense mechanism of isolation, developers can use either an indirect or a direct challenge It is often better to start with the indirect challenge, because it elicits more responsiveness and less resistance, but if the Five learner appears receptive or you have an excellent relationship with this person, a direct challenge may have a bigger impact
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INDIRECT CHALLENGE TO ISOLATION
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You ve told me what you think about this, but it s not clear how you feel Sometimes you separate thinking and feeling, but they are in fact interconnected Let s talk more about what you think, about how you feel, and also about your behavior, looking at why these three things are really inseparable
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DIRECT CHALLENGE TO ISOLATION
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You re separating things that are connected and isolating yourself as a result Just now, you ve described how you isolate or separate yourself from other people by not going to meetings and not expending the effort to develop networks at work What causes you to do this
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Body Center Challenge: The Why would you want to do that Question When Five learners say they want to change something about themselves, asking them this question works effectively as a way of supportively challenging their desires As a response to this technique, the Five learner either changes his or her course of action or becomes more deeply committed to the original plan This technique is especially useful in two situations: (1) The
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Bringing Out the Best in Everyone You Coach
Why would you want to do that Challenges for Fives
A Five s Productive Intention to Act
I m going to be more expressive with my coworkers
Developer s challenge Why would you want to be more expressive Developer s follow-on response If the Five cannot think of an answer or gives an unconvincing answer, say: It doesn t sound like you really want to do this Then wait for the response When the Five gives a convincing response, say: It sounds like this matters to you Please tell me more about this and your current thinking about how to do it
A Five s Counterproductive Intention to Act
I don t plan to do anything about my poor relationship with a teammate
Developer s challenge Why would you want to do nothing about this relationship Developer s follow-on response If the Five gives you a reason that also makes sense to you, say: That sounds like a good decision for you If the Five gives you a reason you believe is possibly unwise, say: You may believe this is a wise thing to do, but before you proceed, let s talk about the possible negative impact before you put this into action and later regret the consequences
Five learner articulates an intention to take action that sounds productive, or (2) the Five learner expresses an intention to take action that might be risky or could be counterproductive to his or her best interests When working with Five learners, developers also need to pay attention to any unproductive inaction that Five learners may exhibit and to then use the Why would you want to do that question For example, a Five learner told her mentor that while she wanted a higher position in her department, she was reluctant to mention this to her manager Her mentor said, Why wouldn t you want to mention that to your manager
Transformative Paradoxical Challenges Fives like paradoxical challenges, because these inherently contradictory dilemmas stimulate their thinking and provide them with a complex and insightful understanding of their situation Although it is best to use the paradoxical challenge after Five learners have realized that they may be their own greatest obstacle, most Fives also respond well when developers