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Coaching Enneagram Style Five
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All of the following challenges would be effective with Amanda What if learning to understand others feelings had a personal bene t for you beyond your managerial role What if you could learn to understand and anticipate your own feelings better What if you are much better at reading other people s feelings than you think you are
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Heart Center Challenge: Recognizing and Leveraging Defense Mechanisms When have you observed the learner use a particular defense mechanism Would a direct or an indirect challenge be more effective How would you phrase this defense mechanism challenge
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Amanda knows and is respected by many people in the organization, has a strong marriage, and is so talkative that she does not feel particularly isolated Her use of isolation is most obvious in her separation of thinking from feeling Because she is very stable and outgoing, and she and her coach have a strong relationship, either a direct or an indirect challenge will be effective
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INDIRECT CHALLENGE
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Can you tell me about times in your life when you have had thoughts and feelings simultaneously
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DIRECT CHALLENGE
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You separate or isolate your feelings from your thoughts, but you actually have both at the same time You need to practice experiencing and acknowledging them simultaneously
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Body Center Challenge: Why would you want to do that What behavior has the learner stated he or she plans to do Do you think this is a wise course of action How would you phrase this Why would you want to do that challenge
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Why would you want to understand and anticipate the emotional reactions of people who work for you
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Transformative Paradoxical Challenge What paradoxes have you observed in the learner Select the most significant one How would you phrase this paradoxical challenge
You say you want to be more relational with people, particularly those who work for you, yet in many ways you are not fully relational with yourself for example, in not knowing how you feel and not being willing to share your emotional responses with others How can you relate to others better without starting with yourself rst
Bringing Out the Best in Everyone You Coach
NOTE
Paradoxical challenges should be used only with moderate or high self-mastery learners Low self-mastery learners are not in a psychological state to handle the complexity and ambiguity inherent in the resolution of this level of paradox, and deep-level or complex paradoxes can increase their anxiety While less powerful paradoxes can be used with these learners, developers should do so with caution
DEVELOPMENT ACTIVITIES FOR FIVES
Developers can suggest the following activities to Five learners
Core Issue: Connect with and express your feelings For three days, once every waking hour, ask yourself this question: What am I feeling right now Don t settle for a one-word answer Then ask yourself this: And what else am I feeling After three days, continue asking yourself both questions, but do so at those times when you are aware that you are becoming extremely analytical Continue the above process for six months Expansion Through Wings and Arrows FOUR WING Connect with others on a deep level Every time you observe someone you know looking happier, more concerned, or more upset than usual and you are able to have a private discussion with this person, say, I noticed that you seem to be happy [or concerned or upset] about something Normally, the person will tell you more As the person is speaking, ask a few simple questions that show your interest, or share your reactions to what he or she is saying Focus on the group When you participate in a group, ask yourself: How can I contribute more to this group What is it that the group needs from me, and how can I contribute in this way How can I demonstrate my loyalty and commitment to them
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