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As you read the following four coaching techniques, it can be helpful to think about several Sixes you know and how you might use the techniques with those individuals Sixes can be very different from one another depending on their degree of phobia versus counterphobia, as well as such other factors as self-mastery level, empathy, use of wings and arrows, subtype, experience, age, gender, and culture
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Head Center Challenge: The What if Question What if challenges work well in situations in which the learner makes assumptions that something is important and inviolate that is, a mental
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Bringing Out the Best in Everyone You Coach
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model These assumptions are part of the learner s unchallenged beliefs and paradigms Although Sixes frequently ask themselves and others What if questions, they do so to illuminate potential problems, not to challenge their mental models However, their familiarity with What if thinking makes them ready recipients for this type of challenge from developers After hear-
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What if Challenges for Sixes
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Common Assumption No 1
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You have to plan for the worst
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Developer s challenge What if you also planned for the best Developer s follow-on response If the Six says, I can t, answer: What if you could If there is still no concrete answer, ask: If you only plan for the worst rather than the best and all the variations in between, what will you miss When the Six gives a concrete example, ask: And how else would you bene t from this After the answer, ask: How can you apply your problem-prevention skills to your opportunity-identi cation skills
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Common Assumption No 2
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If I can anticipate issues in advance, then I can relax
Developer s challenge What if you could relax without having to anticipate every issue Developer s follow-on response If the Six cannot think of such a scenario, tell a relevant compelling story, then say: You must have a similar story Can you tell me about it When the Six offers some great bene ts or tells a real story, ask: How can you expand this experience into other situations
Common Assumption No 3
I must demonstrate dutifulness and loyalty; this prevents negative things from happening
Developer s challenge What if you could prevent negative occurrences without having to be constantly dutiful and loyal Developer s follow-on response If the Six cannot think of such a scenario, ask: Have you ever prevented something negative from happening using other skills and qualities What were these When the Six gives a concrete and positive response, say: Good How can you use these qualities even more, so that you are not so reliant on duty and loyalty To take this even deeper, another What if question can be asked: What if some negative things can t be prevented and extensive anticipatory planning actually makes them worse Do you have examples of that
Coaching Enneagram Style Six
ing the Six learner express an obvious or implicit assumption, the developer poses a relevant What if question to the Six The chart on page 148 lists three common mental models for Sixes, the question the developer should ask to challenge each assumption, and the ways in which the developer should respond once the Six has answered the developer s challenge
Heart Center Challenge: Explore the Learner s Defense Mechanism
The Six s Primary Defense Mechanism: Projection
Projection is a defense mechanism in which individuals unconsciously attribute their own unacceptable, unwanted, or disowned thoughts, emotions, motivations, attributes, and/or behaviors to others While the projection may be positive, negative, or neutral, it occurs because the individuals who are projecting perceive the projected attributes as difficult to acknowledge or threatening to believe about themselves Because Sixes make these attributions unconsciously, they imagine that they are true, although at a deeper level they are not entirely certain about this Although Sixes use projection as a way to create some certainty and thus reduce their anxiety in ambiguous, uncertain, or potentially dangerous situations, these projections particularly if they are negative in nature ironically raise the Six s anxiety level In addition, when Sixes project something negative or positive that is untrue, they create a false reality without knowing they are doing so Although Sixes project on an ongoing basis, they project most often and most intensely when they are anxious The more anxiety they feel, the more difficult it becomes for Sixes to differentiate between a projection and an insight that is, something that is true Examples of a Six s negative projections include the following: blaming someone or something else for a failure, attributing malevolent motives to another individual, and assuming something negative is going to occur before an event takes place Sixes also engage in positive projections that are manifestations of their hopes and desires for example, imagining that a leader is extraordinarily benevolent or can perform Herculean feats, believing that someone they like has no flaws, and assuming
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