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structive manner They are also keenly aware of how their moods and emotions affect others (To get greater insight into how to sharpen this elusive skill, you may wish to read Make It a Winning Life: Success Strategies for Life, Love and Business1)
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Tuning into your own emotions is tough to do Of course, it is even more dif cult to take ownership of your feelings (That employee is worthless The customers are a big pain The chief nancial of cer got me really upset enough said ) And without ownership, nothing yes, I do mean nothing will change! Taking responsibility for everything that is going on in your organization allows you to choose a more constructive emotional response Managing yourself means that you ve developed the ability to deal with the leaderships ups and downs but especially the downs in a constructive and positive manner by reframing and by interrupting triggers that take you on a downward spiral Leaders who have not mastered this skill are frequently depressed, worry incessantly, and suffer from seemingly insurmountable obstacles and stressors On the other hand, those who know how to manage their emotions experience just as many downers, but they are able to focus on the good stuff and bounce back University of Pennsylvania Professor Marty Seligman s research makes a strong case for the importance of developing a positive explanatory style (PES) People who have PES as opposed to NES a negative explanatory style have developed the unique ability to reframe their setbacks and tragedies by nding the good in the bad2 In my Increasing Your Personal Effectiveness seminars I ask the participants to visualize someone who on the way to work has a minor fender bender Once he gets to work, he whines all day long: My poor car; it s all scratched up What s the matter with these people Who gave them a driver s license (I think that you catch my drift, especially if you have worked with someone like this) Using all your mental energy to nd the bad in the bad, that s a negative explanatory style NES And yes, there is lots of bad stuff once you focus on it (Have you ever noticed that people who whine a lot have a lot to whine about It s as if God is contemplating: Whom should I give this problem to Why don t I give it to John; he whines all the time anyway )
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What does a PES person do It s that rare person who on her way to work has a terrible accident She rolls her car over and totals it Even though she barely makes it out alive, she hails a taxi and shows up for work After telling you about the accident, she says: I am sooo lucky Been wanting a new car anyway This is a PES person To manage yourself more effectively, practice the following smart steps: Focus on the good stuff You are going to nd more of what you re looking for Reframe your bad experiences You will perceive all experiences differently depending on how you frame them (just like a painting looks different with a different frame) Find the good in the bad See the story above Tune into the triggers that cause you to feel bad Interrupt them or turn them off by substituting a different trigger that causes you to feel good Help others who are worse off than you Hopefully, this is what you do one way or another as a contrarian leader
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Sarah Hughes, 2002 Winter Olympics ice-skating gold medalist, exempli es this habit to the max Getting yourself to do the things you don t want to do getting up every day at 5:00 AM to practice since age six and not doing what you really feel like doing delaying grati cation and reigning in impulsiveness are what it takes to become a gold medalist or an excellent contrarian leader In addition, if you saw Sarah s nal performance, you know that she also mastered a third ingredient the ability to get into the zone or a ow state where you shut out all external distractions and are single-mindedly focused on the task at hand ( I just went out to have fun were her words at the end of her awless performance The same attitude will enable you to lead effectively) Combine these three skills, and you have the making of a champion at work and at home Here is how you can develop this habit faster: Treat success as the rule and failures as the exception3
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