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Things that are congruent correspond or agree with each other. When we communicate, our verbal and nonverbal messages should match. When the two are out of sync, the observer will believe the nonverbal cues before the actual meaning of the words.
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EYE CONTACT
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In the culture of the United States, direct eye contact indicates trustworthiness, friendliness, and con dence. Averted eyes usually indicate just the opposite. Ask
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yourself this question: Would you prefer to have a conversation with someone who looks at you most of the time or someone who looks at her shoes, the ceiling, or someone else Most people prefer to speak with someone looking at them. Avoiding eye contact makes most people uncomfortable and signals that something is not right. The audience prefers good eye contact, too. If you re particularly nervous about looking people in the eye while you re speaking and you have the opportunity to speak before a large audience of twenty- ve or more, look people in the forehead. Find a spot just above the nose and at a distance of over ten feet; it looks as though you re looking the person in the eyes. Averted eyes don t communicate con dence, but neither does continuous staring. When a speaker stares at the decision maker, she excludes the rest of the audience and probably makes the decision maker uncomfortable.
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Grab a seat in any coffee shop, and watch people talk with each other. What do you see Chances are you can observe arms ailing in all directions, ngers pointing, and hands jumping from spot to spot. Humans gesture to add emphasis to our words. The meaning of hand movements varies considerably from culture to culture. In most places in the United States, a wave of the hand means hello or good-bye. In Hawaii, extending both the little nger and thumb says, hang loose. Putting both hands up with palms facing forward generally means back off or I m not armed. We usually aren t aware of what our hands do while we re talking. We just don t think about them. To see people who ve just become aware that people are watching them gesture, watch students in a public-speaking course. They become so selfconscious about their hands that they can barely talk. You ll see these positions: Praying to nish. Hands are clenched near the body a few inches above the waist. This makes you look uncomfortable and scared. Building the church. This is the same as praying to nish with the addition of nger movements. Point and touch the tips of the index ngers to add the steeple. I dare you. Arms are crossed tightly over the chest. This makes you look hostile or removed from the audience. Hands in pockets. Both hands are jammed in pockets. This says to the audience, I have something to hide or I don t want to be here.
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CHAPTER 13 Nonverbal Communication
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Fig leaf. Hands are joined together, covering the groin. In this position, you re saying, I feel exposed. Directing the plane on landing. The speaker ails her arms. The excessive movement looks uncontrolled and is exhausting for the audience to watch. Fidgeting. The speaker seldom knows he is dgeting or playing with a marker, wedding ring, paper clip, or something else. It de nitely signals insecurity. Face touches. Continually touching the face or hair could mean embarrassment or insincerity. With so many bad gestures, what should our hands do during a presentation Here are some basic tips: Use your natural gestures, and control them. If you don t naturally gesture, start adding hand movements to your everyday conversations until it feels normal. Use a two-handed, open-palm movement to emphasize a big point. Use one-handed gestures to indicate direction or movement. Keep hand gestures in the area between your waist and your shoulders. Don t use the same gesture over and over in a pattern. Practice until a variety of movements feel natural to you. Use the length and strength of a gesture to mirror and emphasize your message. Match action gestures with action words.
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